The “TERRIFIC” Twos!

Recently, I received a call from a dear friend that said, "Staci, my precious, darling, seemingly perfect daughter (17 months old) has become a whiny, strong-willed, child that throws temper tantrums in the grocery store! I've told her 'no' and used every "Super Nanny" trick in the book, but it hasn't helped. I feel like I am about to snap under the pressure."

Have you ever faced adversity that sends you spiraling and wondering if you can ever bounce back? Have you ever faced a season of life that challenges your patience and ability to "keep your cool"?

When I listened to this desperate mommy, part of me wanted to chuckle, remembering those wearing and challenging days when my kids, too, were developing their will and testing their personal boundaries. I specifically remember being at the grocery store when my precious son decided to throw his first tantrum. I told him he could not have the candy he felt he so desperately needed, and he threw his body down as if he had been hit by a torpedo and proceeded to pound the floor -- wailing incessantly.

I’ll be honest…..there was a part of me that just wanted to walk away and act as if he belonged to the lady behind me. Another part wanted to look at him and say, “Who are you and what have you done with my precious little boy?” I was embarrassed, upset, and ready to call the 1-800-moms help line!

It was around that time that I became extremely interested in the study of neuroscience – the study of how God created our brains, how they develop, and how we have been given the power to change our actions and reactions at any course in life, no matter how long we have been conditioned. In one of the books I had been reading, I read a chapter on the development of a child’s brain. It actually stated that what some moms call the “Terrible Twos” are actually that period or phase of life, where vitality and normal brain development is taking place. So, if your child has suddenly started expressing his/her will, around the age of two years old (maybe even a few months before that….like my friend’s little girl at age 16 months), don’t allow frustration to set in. Instead, be thankful that your child is right on track…..neurologically. I know that in the middle of that “grocery story” crisis, it can be pretty difficult to be thankful, but, trust me….this time will soon pass.

As I listened to this first time mommy in distress telling me about her daughter, I realized she needed practical help to get her through this season of transition. The first thing I shared was:

1. Give thanks for the “normal” development of your child’s brain. She’s right on schedule with her growth and development. She is expressing her growing independence and doesn’t have the language skills to easily express her needs…..or wants. I promise….this phase will not last!

2. Be clear with your boundaries. If you child throws a tantrum, make sure that you are clear with your dissatisfaction of their behavior by getting on their level, perhaps on one knee, look them in the eye, and say, “No, that is unacceptable! You will not behave that way. Do you understand me?” Then take them away from that location to an immediate time out spot where you can enforce boundaries and their need to respect you. I realize this will be inconvenient for the first couple of days and it may interrupt your personal agenda, but trust me, it will be worth it. YOU MUST BE CLEAR WITH YOUR BOUNDARIES! Yelling commands or shouting “no” across a room is not a language a child can understand and it will breed future communication issues. It may scare them temporarily, but it is not teaching them the lessons they need to learn, nor is it giving them a good pattern for communication. You must be clear, direct and on their eye level. If you are dealing with a teenager, this rule still applies. YOU MUST BE CLEAR WITH YOUR BOUNDARIES, be direct in your expectations, and then make sure that you are speaking on their level. Don’t just walk away and act like it didn’t happen. Address it immediately and in a way that they can understand. Of course, as in all attitudes and correction, never yell at your child in anger.....correction, though it may be clear and direct, should always be done in love.

3. Choose your words wisely. Your words can speak life, hope, destiny, and possibilities to your children, or they can speak words of anger, rage, and negativity. Recently, I went online to read posts from moms dealing with what they called “The Terrible Twos”. The title alone spoke of negativity and degrading words. Why call them “The Terrible Twos”? Why not call them “The Terrific Twos”? There is a scripture that tells us that “Whatever a man thinks in his heart, so is he.” That means that if you believe and say that you are in a season of Terrible Twos, you are going to receive the Terrible Twos results. If you, instead, choose to believe the BEST even when the worst is displayed, you will eventually see the BEST come to pass. Speak words of hope, affirmation, encouragement, love, support, and kindness to your children. Don’t degrade them or demean them by speaking words of anger, negativity, or defeat. Those things you say today will be apparent in attitudes you see in them tomorrow! Sow words of love!

4. Bend and don’t break! Recently I heard Pastor Danny Chambers, Oasis Church, Nashville, TN speak about the importance of being flexible in adversity. He told of how the palm tree is known as one of the most resilient trees in the world because of its ability to bend in the midst of great adversity, and yet, not break. Faced by hurricane force winds, a palm tree can take an onslaught of opposition, and yet, bend with the wind and bounce back even stronger.

When faced with incredible opposition, whether it is emotional stress, physical pain, relational challenges, or even a child expressing his will,BEND AND DON'T BREAK! Your ability to ride out this season will determine the results you see in the aftermath of the storm. Take it from a mom and leader who has faced her own seasons of great adversity. This, too, will pass and if you don't let it break you down, it will build you UP!

I hope these four tips help you in your “Terrific Twos, Twelves or Twenties” journey. After all, this is just a season that will soon pass, and like me, you’ll look back on these times and remember and be thankful for your ability to cope, bend, and be a strong and loving leader and mentor to those who you love the most.

Until next week, know that our team is praying that you experience God’s peace and that He will give you strength to endure the storms of life and bounce back in greater power and victory than ever before.

Believing God's best for you today...


Staci Wallace

Contributor to "THV This Morning" Show
www.staciwallace.com
www.emwomen.com

Free Back To School Supplies

When I was asked to start a morning TV segment on helping moms find the best ways for living a life of balance and peace, I was thrilled to say “Yes”! As a life-coach, trainer, and advocate for empowering families to be the best they can be, it is my greatest joy to serve others by providing useful tools that will help them achieve their goals to make a difference in their lives and the lives of others.

Each Tuesday morning at 6:45 a.m. on KTHV (www.todaysthv.com) you can join me as I reveal some truly fantastic ideas to help your family become ultimately successful in every area of their lives.

This week’s tip will help you save money on back to school supplies, clothes, and more!

Smart Money For Smart Moms

Already the stores are packed with back to school supplies and row upon row of tantalizing options for our kids. Spirals with their favorite Disney characters, pencils in every color and style, scissors with pads and without, lunch boxes for every personality, and rows of backpack options make the job of back to school shopping more tempting and stressful than ever if you are trying to help your family stick to a Smart Money budget.

This week on our KTHV Moms Like Me segment, I shared three important tips for saving money as you send your kids back to school in style.

TIP #1 - GET THRIFTY

Why pay retail when you can pay wholesale, or even better, if you can get it for FREE? Today, there are so many consignment and thrift stores, resale shops, and non-profit organizations that offer inexpensive and often free clothing for all ages. And, even better…. many of these organizations insist that the clothes be in excellent, clean condition, ensuring that you not only get a great deal, but great quality too!

How do I know? My family is continually praised by how well-dressed we are and how we present ourselves with excellence as a family. And, guess what….. we RARELY ever buy anything at retail costs. Though I am regularly on TV, radio and a featured speaker before large audiences, I am still a bargain shopper and delight in the money I save – finding and wearing my “special bargains” that cost less than most people pay for a pair of shoes. I’ve learned to spend less by wisely shopping at consignment, resale shops and bargain centers. I have no problem shopping at a thrift store if it means being a good steward of the finances God gives my family.

Another great way to get thrifty and be smart with your money is to be confident, or should I say humble enough, to let others know that you don’t mind taking hand-me-downs. It will help your family financially AND it will help our earth by recycling items that aren’t even worn out!

How do you get hand-me-downs? The answer: YOU ASK! If you see a child in your neighborhood or school that dresses well and have good relationships with their family, subtlely let the parents know that you would love it if they ever have any hand-me-downs they would like to pass on to your child.

My brother and sister-in-law have two boys that are only 2 sizes above my son’s. Right when my son was born, I made it clear that the hand-me-downs from their boys would be such a blessing to us. And since my nephews have been blessed to wear top name brand clothing…..it has been a special blessing for our son to enjoy those clothes that continue to come regularly to us even today! Recycling has become a way of life for our family…..not to mention, the blessing we are able to be to others as we pass these clothes on. “Pay it forward” has become our family motto!

So don’t be too proud to search for bargains. Remember, the goal is to become debt free so that you can use your resources to bless others!

TIP #2: GET HELP

Matthew 7:7 says “Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened to you. Today, there are so many organizations that exist for the purpose of lightening the burdens off of families. You don’t have to be a family in dire straights to tap into these blessings. You just have to be humble enough to ask and receive. Right now, there are organizations like EMwomen that have GREAT opportunities for families. One of the organizations partnered with EMwomen is Project Backpack, where FREE school supplies are being given to any child in Garland County who simply shows up to receive one. The backpack is filled with all of the basic supplies a child would need going back to school.

Google free school supplies and see who is offering them in your area. If you are in the Garland County area visit EMwomen.com and you will be able to get information about backpacks being passed out this weekend in Garland County.

TIP #3: GET SMART

If your kids are anything like mine, you know the masterful way they have in talking us into overspending on items they say they NEED. Just take your 5 year old to the store with you and you will know what I mean. What was intended to be a quick trip for a couple of items becomes a “Mommy, PLEEEAAASE!” session. And, unless you are Atilla the Hun, you probably cave at some point……. like me.

So here is what I decided to do when my 5 year old son told me he just HAD TO HAVE a motorized truck to drive --like his neighbor. Realizing we were months away from a birthday or Christmas, I decided to get smart by teaching my son the importance of saving his money and earning his money to get that special item he didn’t think he could lie without!!!!

We talked it over, checked out the truck pricing “on-line” ($299.00 – ouch!) and then started planning our strategy! Together, we wrote out a plan on how he could raise that money himself and save up for the day he could confidently walk into Toys-R-Us and buy that truck. With great determination, I watched as my 5 year old boy sold cupcakes, washed tires, babysat neighbors’ children (of course I helped!), sent letters to relatives asking for their support in acquiring this “must have” truck and even held a toy sale of some of his best toys. In just two weeks, he had raised enough to get his truck. Not only did he have his truck, but he acquired confidence and pride in having been successful in his venture!

Too often, we, as parents, want our kids to have the desires of their heart but fail to see the importance of teaching them valuable life principles in finances by training them to work hard, believe in their dreams, and never give up!

As you start planning your own strategies for successfully sending your kids back to school this year, I hope you will be able to use these tips to help your family get Smart with their money. If you would like to download the full SMART MONEY course online, visit my website at: www.staciwallace.com

Until next week, know that I am believing God’s absolute B.E.S.T. for you and your family!

DE-CLUTTERING YOUR SPACE, DE-CLUTTER YOUR LIFE! (PART 3)

BY STACI WALLACE

RULE #3: De-clutter Your Personal Space

Recently, a client came to my office with a great amount of stress. She sat in my office and cried, “My life is in a place of chaos. I’m overweight, my marriage is rocky, and I don’t even have time to clean my own house. I am behind the eight-ball with no plan of escape.”

After listening to her desperate plea for help, I asked her to take out a piece of paper and play a game with me. The game was hide and seek. The goal of the game was to search (or seek) for hidden time in her daily routine that would allow her to find greater life balance. She looked at me as if I were asking her to do the impossible.

She said, “You don’t understand, I HAVE NO TIME.” I explained that I agreed that time is a tricky little bandit that gets away from us if we let it. I then assured her that I felt like a good 007 agent, up for the task of finding the time she had somehow misplaced.

As we took inventory of her day, we started with her morning routine and discovered that her lack of planning was draining precious moments from her schedule. We found 30 minutes lost due to a lack of planning her kids clothing and lunches for the day. We discovered another 30 minutes lost when she took calls from random friends with no real purpose but to say “hi”. Another 15 minutes was lost looking for her keys, shoes, or other pertinent items to each day’s kick-off. As we continued “searching” throughout her day’s schedule, it was an eye-opening experience for her as we discovered an extra 2.5 hours in her day that were prime moments being waisted. After our meeting, she left with a new lease on life, a new outlook on her possibilities, and a new plan for reorganizing her time, her relationships and even her home.

So, when we talk about de-cluttering your personal space, we are specifically talking about your home. If you say, “Staci, I just don’t have time to clean,” I encourage you to play little game of hide and seek with yourself, too.

You don’t need HOURS to tackle the challenge of de-cluttering your home. Like the old saying goes, “You can’t eat an elephant with one bite. But inch by inch, anything is a cinch.”

Baby Steps

Take baby steps and set aside 15 minutes a day to tackle one project at a time. Here is a step by step approach you can use to get started.

STEP #1 - Prioritize.

Start your de-cluttering process by sitting down and assigning priority to each room in your home. Create a sketch or graph of your home and put a number on each room according to importance of clean-up. Room #1 would be the room that takes first priority in your de-clutter plan. Room #2 would be the second room to tackle, and so on.

STEP #2 - Divide and Conquer

Once you identify the first room you will focus on, break it into projects. For example, let’s say your bedroom is priority #1. Your first project in that room might be to organize your nightstand. Rather than looking at the room as a whole, start with one area. If you have a mound of clothes or trash on the floor, start by clearing everything out and sorting it in another room or in the garage. Only put back in the room what deserves to stay. If you are tackling the nightstand, remove all contents in the nightstand. As you put items back in the nightstand, purge with passion. If you have not used something or worn something in a year, it’s time to purge it. If it has not sentimental value, let it go to a charity, a garage sale, or make a few bucks with it on Ebay. The point is, start somewhere. By dividing big rooms into small projects, you will have quicker sucesses and stronger motivation to keep going.

STEP #3 - Keep On Keepin’ On

One of the last statements made to my by my grandmother before she passed away was, “Honey, just keep on keepin’ on.” Those simple words have had such meaning in so many areas of my life. From the natural childbirth of my son after 17 hours of labor to the passion behind starting a non-profit organization from scratch to the sometimes daunting goal of keeping our family home organized and clean, I can hear her words ring loud and clear, “Honey, just keep on keepin’ on.”

Once you have conquered that first project, don’t stop! Find another project in that top priority room and dominate it. No matter where you start, whether it be a closet, pantry, bedroom, the kitchen sink, or any space of your choice, just keep on keepin’ on. Take those little 15 minute windows and make them prime-time for clean-time. Don’t just sit on the couch when you watch that reality show, go ahead and pull a drawer into the living room with you and organize your socks, de-clutter your jewelry box, organize your warranty papers. Make the most of your time by making your time work for you!

(Note: For those of you who are in need of true down-time due to being hyper organizers, chill out and enjoy the night off. For the rest of the 99% of time-waisters, however, enjoy a great game of TIME hide and seek and eat that elephant of clutter, one bite at a time!)

DE-CLUTTERING YOUR SPACE, DE-CLUTTER YOUR LIFE!

BY STACI WALLACE

PT. 2 - DE-CLUTTERING YOUR WORK/OFFICE ENVIRONMENT

Did you know that your desk can play a physiological role in your daily productivity and overall health? A messy desk and disorganized office environment could very well be the cause of deeper issues in life.

According to researchers at NEC-Mitsubishi, a computer-monitor manufacturer, many office workers are suffering from IDS, irritable desk syndrome (IDS), which can cause chronic pain, loss of productivity and other physical and mental symptoms. IDS is actually a sickness associated with working long hours at a cluttered desk (often with poor posture, as well). In a recent study of 2,000 office workers, researchers found that:

• 40 percent said they were "infuriated by too much clutter and paper on their desks but could not be bothered to do anything about it."

• 35 percent said they had back or neck pain because they knowingly had poor posture or an awkward position while at their desk.

"What most individuals fail to realize is that desk symptoms typically escalate very quickly, from persistent discomfort to chronic pain, which can end a person's career and reduce their quality of life in a wide range of ways," said Nigel Robertson, researcher and noted "deskologist."

Other studies have stated that working at a cluttered desk is less time-effective and often results in workers devoting excess time and attention to finding what they need, before they even get to their regular assignments.

"Studies have shown that the person who works with a messy desk spends, on average, one and a half hours per day looking for things or being distracted by things. That's seven and a half hours per week," says time-management speaker and consultant Dr. Donald E. Wetmore.

Of course, the antithesis of this syndrome is the person who spends excess time organizing too much. The key? Balance. Once you set your space, maintain it with a simple system of organization. Here are a few tips to getting started on a de-cluttered work/office environment.

1. De-clutter your raw space.

Not sure where to begin with a completely cluttered office? Start by de-cluttering your raw space. Take one drawer at a time and take everything out before trying to organize. You may have papers, files, or documents that are useless and just cluttering your space. As you begin adding things back to your drawers, be strict about what makes the cut back into the drawer. Your office is your sanctuary of productivity. Don’t let just ANYTHING be accepted into the drawer or in your office as a whole. Items must earn their way into your space based on their importance and their ability to produce income, productivity, or creativity to what you do.


2. Eliminate visible clutter.

Once you have gone through your drawers and eliminated the “inner” excess, you should have an organized “inner office”. Your “inner office” is what people DON’T see. Much like finding “inner peace”, your “inner office” will be the foundation of what others should begin to see externally. Now that your inner office is in order, clean off your desk completely, removing all pictures, notes, papers, etc. Once you have a clean slate, only add the essentials back to your space. If you are a picture lover, make sure that your pictures are organized, well displayed, and appropriate for your environment. Your desk will be a reflection of your life and if you have a disorganized mess of pictures, papers, or trinkets on your desk, it will show the lack of balance in other areas, as well. On the other hand, a clean desk is often a sign of a clear mind.


3. Place value on your open space.

Now that your inner and outer office space is clean and de-cluttered, choose wisely what you allow to take up space in the future. When new papers come into your room, read them and determine if they are to be taking up space or hitting the bottom of the trash can immediately. Open your mail and read it. Experts say that a major amount of office clutter comes from items we intend to get to at a later date that never end up being addressed. Mail is a good example; open it, read it, and then either eliminate it or file it appropriately. This will also help you in assuring that bills are paid on time and not overlooked in the shuffle.

4. Specify your space.

You can eliminate needless stress by labeling your space. For example, if you have a file or box that is labeled “IMMEDIATE ATTENTION”, that means that anything in that box gets your attention before the end of the day. Before you go home, look through the box and make sure you have completed the items of high priority. Have a space set aside for essential items. For example, by eliminating that mad scramble for your keys or any other item, you've spared yourself loads of unnecessary anxiety. Save yourself this precious energy and give your space labeled boundaries.

These are just a few tips for de-cluttering your work/office environment. Stay tuned next week for tips on how to de-clutter your home/life environment. :)

DE-CLUTTERING YOUR SPACE, DE-CLUTTER YOUR LIFE!

BY STACI WALLACE

PT. 1 - DE-CLUTTERING YOUR EMOTIONAL SPACE


De-cluttering your home, office and life have the potential to radically improve your productivity at work, home and in relationships. From kitchen counter tops to a messy desk and even a junk filled car – your “space” is a reflection of your life. Show me a person’s car, for example, and I can tell you a lot about their thoughts, actions, and behaviors.

It’s hard to believe, but our environments reflect our inner space and give a glimpse into our souls. When Sanya came to our organization looking to lose weight and demolish over $30,000 in credit card debt, I asked her if she would take me to her car. She looked at me perplexed and yet walked me to her vehicle. As she opened the car door, a can fell out of a messy, trash-filled car full of old papers, shoes, food bags, and wrappers. I had seen enough and kindly asked her to follow me inside.

Sure enough, as we unraveled her emotional, physical, and spiritual “issues” it was clear that her car was a mere symptom of a deeper need for transformation, self-respect and self-discipline. Sanya weighed 373 pounds and was desperately seeking change. Good news is that after only one year, Sanya lost over 85 pounds and demolished $30,000 in debt to go on to live a thriving life of balance and peace.

The key: She had a cluttered mind, cluttered soul, and cluttered life. Though her process included much mental reconditioning, there are a few practical tips we gave her to de-clutter her environments that will serve as a great help to anyone looking to de-clutter their life. They include:

Rule #1: De-clutter Your Emotional Space
Rule #2: De-clutter Your Work/Office Space
Rule #3: De-clutter Your Home/Personal Space
Rule #4: De-clutter Your Relational Space
Rule #5: De-clutter Your Spiritual Space

RULE #1: De-clutter Your Emotional Space

Do you ever find yourself misplacing important items or searching for things that you just can’t seem to find? You say to yourself that you will come up with a better system for organizing the details of your life, but where do you begin? Design Psychologist, Kelli Ellis states, “You see that person who has papers flying out of files, or you see their handbag, and you say, 'I know exactly what your car looks like or what your home office looks like.'” If you have overflowing drawers or an overflowing purse, chances are you have excessive overflow in every area of life. We call that overflow: Clutter.

Clutter, both mental and physical, can leave you frustrated, delayed, disappointed and even late for important meetings, deadlines, or events. Such disorganization eats away at our time and productivity. Think of all of the wasted seconds and minutes used up on searching for keys, papers, clothing and even excess time spent on messy relationships.

“To be truly happy, sometimes you must eliminate unhealthy people and situations from your life,” says Alex Lluch, author of Secrets to Love Life and Be Happy.

If you find yourself surrounded by negative, emotionally draining people, begin to remove them from your mental and physical space. If you feel stuck in a dead-end job, don’t just sit around complaining about the mess, make a determined effort to change.

Breaking away from a comfort zone of cluttered voices, relationships, and even a job will not be easy. It may take a monumental amount of confidence and courage, but it could very well be the key to unlocking your greatest, most inspiring days ahead.

Take Denise Gerrich who came to EMwomen weighing 330 pounds. Her life, home, work, and car were a cluttered mess. She lived with a massive amount of clutter for over 10 years till finally she made a radical decision to leave her comfort zone, change jobs, move to a new city, and clean house personally, emotionally, and physically.

The result? Nine months later she was working in the job of her dreams, having lost 123 pounds and loving life.

To master Rule #1, you may have to made some radical decisions. However, change doesn't come to those who wish for it to happen. It comes to those willing to make it happen with daily effort, faith, and determination.

Tip For The Week:

Start with one area of your home that needs to be de-cluttered. It could be a closet, pantry, bedroom, or any space of your choice. Remove everything from the room, including furniture so that you start with a clean space. Then, place back into the room, only the items you wish to keep. Be courageous. If you haven’t used an item for over a year....let it go! If you don’t plan on using it in the next 3 months, set it free! Those items that end up in your “excess” pile, either throw them away, donate them to a local charity, post them on Freecycle.org, or apply them to a garage sale to pay off some of your debt or bills!